F*ck Ketchup!

Why your brand should stop playing like Heinz…

Ketchup's the comfort blanket of condiments. It's safe, predictable and blandly sweet. It’s what you serve when you want everyone to be happy, because it’s impossible to offend… but also equally impossible to excite.

That’s why I say: F*ck Ketchup!

Because “fine” isn't the goal. Stating that “everyone likes it” is just another way of saying “no one loves it.”

Now, you're all going to say something like "Heinz built a huge empire on the back of ketchup", and you're sort of right, but let's take a closer look at that…

The Problem with Heinz Thinking

Heinz built its empire on being acceptable. They took something that had been done for centuries - yes, people have been fermenting tomatoes with herbs & spices and then pureeing them to make a healthy, natural, full-of-goodness sauce. Heniz just too the idea and standardised it, made it easy and then figured out how to increase their profits adding bucketloads of sugar and removing all the good stuff.

They’ve convinced the world that this is what tomatoes aspire to be - puréed into submission, drowned in sugar, hermetically sealed in corporate nostalgia.

They’re the ultimate middle-of-the-road brand:

• Never too spicy, never too tangy, never too anything!

• Built for mass appeal, not memorable experiences.

• A product so standardised it tastes the same in Pittsburgh as it does in Paris.

• Marketed with the subtlety of a 57-variety hammer: “You’ve always loved us, so why change?”

And there's the kicker with Heinz thinking. Once you dominate the middle, you stop innovating - you start defending the crown instead of changing the game.

Why Ketchup = Mediocrity

Let’s be honest for a moment… Ketchup never gets invited to Michelin-starred dinners.vIt’s what you give to toddlers to make food tolerable. It’s sugar in a red suit.

It hasn’t changed in a hundred years, except for the squeezy bottle, and nobody’s bragging about their “limited edition ketchup drop.”

It's a condiment that we have been brainwashed into thinking is an essential, not based on merit , but based on Heinz hooking us with mountains of sugar in their recipe (as well as all sorts of other 'ingredients') and then spending bazillions on ad agencies to try and build stories that connect with us, but their message actually always reinforces my point. It's always someone in a diner eating a burger and looking for their Heinz comfort blanket - F*ck that!

What about in business terms?

This is what 'ketchup' brands are all about. They…

• Play it safe to please everyone.

• Blend in with the other 57 varieties.

• Spend more time in focus groups than creating anything exciting.

• Are instantly forgettable once they leave the table.

Ever considered Hot Sauce?

Hot sauce brands are different:

• They’re polarising (and that’s a good thing!).

• They stand out before you even open the bottle.

• They get people talking, sharing, remembering.

• They attract loyal fans, not lukewarm customers.

A hot sauce brand doesn’t want to be everyone’s best friend. It wants to be someone’s obsession.

So, here's my take…

Don’t get me wrong - if I’m eating chips at a motorway service station, I’ll dunk them in ketchup. But that’s not my business strategy. My work isn’t here to make people shrug and say, “Yeah, that’s nice.” I want them leaning forward, telling friends, remembering it next week.

Because here’s the truth: the world doesn’t need another Heinz.

So, turn up the heat!

The world doesn’t need another ketchup brand. It needs more hot sauce thinking - ideas with bite, flavour, and nerve.

If your brand’s been sitting in the fridge door too long, maybe it’s time we turned up the heat.